retirement plan.

miss it so much.

summer 2010.

summer

hurry

the

freak

up

and

get

here

so

i

can

start

gettin'

my

tan

on.

good morning.

8 o'clock class cancelled=sleeping in with mom.
laying in bed to watch a pre-recorded
episode of glee (the wheelchair one)

ahaha. fireplace agoin' and cereal

for lunch. love having mom at

home in the mornings.

good day, good day.

romans 8:28

'and we know that in all things God

works for the good of those who

love him, who have been called

according to his purpose.'

first day of a new year.

so its the very first blog on the very first day of a brand new year.

haven't made a resolution yet.

but i have decided that eventhough

as awful as it might sound, i don't want to

have as high of expectations for people

that i have had in the past. people

especially ones that were very high on

my list, have let me down

multiple times in this past year

some deliberately and so

instead of worrying so much, i just want

to "roll with the punches"/do what makes

me happy and those who i have lost some

respect for will find a new place in my life

and i will, no doubt in my mind, stick to this

because this way, i'm not hurt and can move

onto better things.

out with the old and in with the new...

happy new year 2010!

and to all a good night.

merry christmas.
goodnight C:

silver bells.

pretty much haven't slept all night because i left my blinds open last night and if you don't already know, our whole house is pretty much windows so the fact that everything outside is white, is highlighted by the moon.

making cookies with dad while

listening to "kenny g christmas"

(cause he doesn't sleep long either)

homesick.

you know that feeling that you get after you've done something that

you didn't want to do. to be honest, when i get that feeling all i want

to do is go home and hug my mom. not that its like you did

something "bad" necessarily, its just not a happy/good feeling.

it's a "homesick" feeling to me. eventhough, that's where i

spend most of my time. if you can just get me home, i'll

feel better. i can handle most things once i'm at home.

never faulter.

ok so i wanted to write a post on sunday about something that i had seen while driving to church...but i haven't had a chance to until now.

ok so at 10 o'clock Sunday morning as i'm sitting in the car with mom (listening to "you are the sunshine of my life"- stevie wonder) i looked to my right out the window and i see a little boy riding his bike in his front yard and his dad standing at the top of the driveway watching him. ok so the first thing i think of is, how good of a dad to stand there when i'm sure he has so much other stuff he could be doing to watch his son and keep him safe and spend time with him. then i think...wouldn't it be better if his dad had taken him to church? what if they don't believe? doesn't make them any worse of people, but it just got me to thinking. even though people are different from me or don't do "the same things" that i do. doesn't make those people or myself any different in God's eyes. we're all the same. we all mess up, granted it might be in different ways but sin is sin. as humans we have always put "degrees" on certain behaviors. "well what you did was soooo much worse!" even though it might seem that way, it doesn't to God. but the cool thing about this whole concept is that no matter what our sin is, if you ask for forgiveness. its gone. that is the one thing in my faith that i've never faltered in. that is asking for forgiveness, even though i know that i'll continue to mess up. i have always believed truly in my heart that God will forgive me and cover those sins up. (doesn't mean i can turn right around and do the exact same thing) but the sins are gone. like they never happened. i love that feeling. last night was the first time in a while that i had just put everything and i mean everything down and just prayed for the longest time.about anything and everything i could think of. asking for protection and strength. afterwards i got this overwhelming feeling of "its all gone". all this is to say, no matter what happens, God will always be there.
will always listen.
if you fully surrender, he will always forgive.
the one constant;whom never faulters.

stop and stare.

my family is pretty big. since my parents each have siblings who have had at least two children each, lets just say "get togethers" are never boring. i have the most cousins on my dad's side. but on my mom's side, i have one cousin who i have always been the closest to, davis.

pretty much my brother. know everthing about him and have always looked forward to seeing him every chance i get. when we were younger, i saw him more than i do now. but i would still consider us pretty close. i have good memories with him. holidays-me and him on the couch watching tv. summer-us laying by the pool listening to country music, late nights in my room-reviewing his spanish presentation and lunch every sunday together since we were born. we do alot together and i've always thought of him as "my davis" my little boy.like i never thought he'd grow up.

however...
today before lunch, he came into the living room and sat down beside me and didn't really make eye contact. i just jokingly poked him and when he finally looked at me...there it was. a black eye. you see since he's gotten into highschool, davis is what you would consider, a pretty boy. he's got the looks and he's really good at sports (aka all the girls love him) so lets just say...sometimes he can be a little cocky. i think this is gonna be a problem his next two years in hs. but apparently this other boy wanted to fight him this past week and eventhough you think to yourself he just needed to walk away from the situation, i was somewhat proud of him for sticking up for himself, even if it did result in a "shiner." however, when my family and i started asking questions, his response was one that could only be expected by him "don't worry, its not like he's not sore in some places." thats my boy. i hate when people mess with my family. especially him, after all he's been through with his mother having cancer and him not really knowing how to deal with it and having to worry everytime she goes to the doctor, that it might come back. its just that you never know what someone is going through. so now, all i want to do is go to his school tomorrow and follow him around haha i'm sure he'd love that.

geeez, they grow up fast.